I fought with myself not to write this novel. It was very difficult and often times excruciating to take on these personas. But I had to write it. If just one person is moved, even only one-tenth of how much I was moved in writing it, I have succeeded.
In the late 1980’s I received a phone call from a childhood friend saying she had something to tell me, to please listen. What she said were the most shocking and disturbing words I had ever heard. In vivid detail, she described her father’s deviant, perverse, sexual assaults that began when she was five and continued well into her teens.
“I believe you,” was all I could say. She hung up. I cried myself to sleep. To witness her emotional, psychological and physical fallout was beyond disturbing.
Years later, this experience transformed into a novel that demanded to be written. A creative person all my life, at that time I was managing my advertising agency. I had learned to trust my intuitive voice. It has never failed me. The voice began sending me this novel, waking me at exactly three o’clock in the morning with a movie running before my closed eyes. I wrote in the middle of the night, and handled the agency business during the day.
A literary agent at a writer’s workshop said my manuscript had potential but needed more work, which of course I knew. A few years later I took the risk, and retired from my agency to write full time, as shifting gears from ad agent to author was just too demanding.
One question plagued me. How does anyone ever recover from the intense personal trauma of sexual abuse?
Two mornings in a row, my voice said, “Allison needs to go to Chartres Cathedral in France.” I talked with friends who had been there. Then, I had the opportunity to spend a week in Chartres with a serendipitous occasion to be alone in the crypt in front of Notre-Dame. She gave me the answer to Allison’s healing. “It is something you hold in your heart and soul that makes a difference in life.”
My novel is a provocative response—encountering feminine spirituality as the healing force needed to recover from the trauma of sexual abuse, an epidemic that is surfacing en masse throughout the world. I intentionally made my heroine wealthy because sexual abuse happens at every level of society. But money cannot buy away the pain.
What trauma survivor, be it from sexual abuse, violence or abuse of any kind, war, being stalked, a horrific car accident, natural or man-made disasters, or just undone by the daily toll of living in a world of terror, chaos, and change—woman or man, trauma survivor or not—who would not want to sit in the lap of the Divine Mother. To feel Her warm embrace and flowing robes wrapped around them. To heal their fears and pains. To know they are perfect, magnificent, and greatly loved for all of life and throughout eternity. The world so needs Her unending love, and every culture honors Her. She is the feminine face of God.
Fiction ignites your feelings and imagination, and reanimates those numb and dead parts of your psyche. Reading this book you might become more trusting to open yourself to be visited by the Sacred Feminine in your waking reality or in your dreams—and to value those precious moments where the inner and the outer situations might come together in a profound meaningful way to provide a compass for your healing journey.
Embrace your life and the power that is within you—this power that has never left you. You are the miracle. Be the greatest of who you are. Share your beauty with the world.
When you believe in miracles—Miracles Happen.
And remember—God does not work in the logical.